Search blog.co.uk

Mistakes.
by hebburndelboy @ 21.05.2008 - 15:10:29

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous he could hardly speak.
After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done.
The monsignor replied, "When I am worried about getting nervous on the
pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass.
If I start to get nervous, I take a sip."
So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the
sermon, he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm.
Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the
door:
1. Sip the Vodka, don't gulp.
2. There are 10 commandments, not 12.
3. There are 12 disciples, not 10.
4. Jesus was consecrated, not constipated.
5. Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass.
6. We do not refer to Jesus Christ as the late J. C.
7. The Father, Son, and Holy Ghost are not referred to as Daddy, Junior and
the Spook.
8. David slew Goliath, he did not kick the shit out of him.
9. When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey,don't say he
was stoned off his ass.
10. We do not refer to the cross as the "Big T."
11. When Jesus broke the bread at the Last Supper he said, "Take this and
eat it for it is my body." He did not say "Eat me"
12. The Virgin Mary is not called "Mary with the Cherry,"
13. The recommended grace before a meal is not: Rub-A-Dub-Dub thanks for the
grub, yeah God.
14. Next Sunday there will be a taffy pulling contest at St. Peter's, not a
peter pulling contest at St. Taffy's

14 comments | Trackback (0) | Permalink | Recommend this post
Tags: mistakes,

 
Disable ads
 

Trackback address for this post:

authimage

Comments, Trackbacks: Hide subcomments

boredrichboredrich [Member]
2008-05-21 @ 15:37

hehe I think we have all been there havent we hic ;)

| Show this thread
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-22 @ 07:57

you're a priest?

| Show this thread |
boredrichboredrich [Member]
2008-05-22 @ 11:41

only at weekends :))

| Show this thread |
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-22 @ 12:44

forgive me father for I have sinned.

| Show this thread |
boredrichboredrich [Member]
2008-05-23 @ 10:58

thats ok my son the lord forgives :))

| Show this thread |
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-23 @ 22:49

phew!

|
philghodgphilghodg [Member]
2008-05-22 @ 20:36

He, I'd go to church again if they had those sort of sermons!!

| Show this thread
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-23 @ 22:26

I don't think even that would get me into a church! I hate the places. I carry the number of the beast. I am legion for we are many.

| Show this thread |
philghodgphilghodg [Member]
2008-05-24 @ 21:36

My liege!

| Show this thread |
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-25 @ 09:36

you may bow to me!

| Show this thread |
philghodgphilghodg [Member]
2008-05-25 @ 13:59

We are many! Erm, who's the other one?

| Show this thread |
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-25 @ 17:32

errrr.. jarrowdelboy @ http://billy-liar.blog.co.uk/ . he is also me.

| Show this thread |
philghodgphilghodg [Member]
2008-05-25 @ 19:04

Aha - split bloganality eh?

| Show this thread |
hebburndelboyhebburndelboy [Member]
2008-05-25 @ 19:53

yep. I'm a total loser!

|

Leave a comment :

Your email address will not be displayed on this site.
Your URL will be displayed.
Allowed XHTML tags: <!, p, ul, ol, li, dl, dt, dd, address, blockquote, ins, del, a, span, bdo, br, em, strong, dfn, code, samp, kdb, var, cite, abbr, acronym, q, sub, sup, tt, i, b, big, small, img>
URLs, email, AIM and ICQs will be converted automatically.
Options:
 
(Line breaks become <br />)
(Set cookies for name, email & url)
Validation code:
Please enter the above code here:
For protection from spambots (case-sensitive).